


Ain't No Grave

by InterstellarVagabond



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, M/M, Necromancy, Possession, plot heavy, some characters may not actually appear this is a wip and all possible characters were listed, some may get cut as it is written, the reaper trio
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-12-01 19:42:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20878199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterstellarVagabond/pseuds/InterstellarVagabond
Summary: It wasn’t called the “ten years and a slap on the wrist” stockade. The Eternal Stockade housed criminals of death for well… eternity, and in one lich’s opinion eternity was too long to wait.There ain't no grave can keep these bodies down, much as Kravitz and the other reapers may try. Once someone they care about is pulled into this battle of necromancy and cheating death, they resolve to reassert death as permanent.And in some cases, painful.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm supposed to be on hiatus;;; my update schedule might reflect this, though if people seem really interested I'll try to update regularly

The view from the Eternal Stockade was not entirely gloomy.

If a wayward soul were to cast their gaze out the barred window to the lake below they would see the rainbow tinted and dark swirling waters like a necrotic oil slick surrounding the island fortress. It was not a bad view, if one liked swirling waters and dripping stalactites and near pitch darkness, but it was the only view for all of eternity. 

It wasn’t called the “ten years and a slap on the wrist” stockade. The Eternal Stockade housed criminals of death for well… eternity, and in one lich’s opinion eternity was too long to wait.

Lydia had been imprisoned alone in a cell for about two years now, though she had no way of knowing that. For her, time was the dripping of soul water from the cavernous ceiling above, it was the rounds made by low ranking reapers on guard duty, it was the occasional scream of torment from the soul of a person who’d dared to defy death and was now paying the dire bill. 

“Hey, big guy.”

Lydia leaned through the bars of her cell, looking at the blank wall before her but speaking to the cell directly next to hers. “How’re you doing over there?”

The occupant of the cell next to hers merely grunted, that was usually all she got out of him. Still, she had to try. Lydia had not been alone once in her life or afterlife, she needed a constant voice alongside hers or she’d go crazy. Since those three adventurers had mercilessly killed her brother for the simple crime of trying to make an afterliving, she found herself alone for the first time. 

Which was why she kept trying to make conversation with the brute next door.

“I’ve been counting the bricks again,” Lydia said. “And get this, I got to 324. 324! You remember last time it was 325, a whole brick went missing! I counted twice just to make sure, but it’s hella gone.”

“Sure,” came the reticent reply.

“Conspiracy!” Lydia said, fanning out her fingers in as much of a gesture as she could make around the bars. “Reapers stealing bricks!”

When he didn’t reply Lydia sighed and went to the one feature of her cell, a stone bench built into the wall just by the window. She sat down with her back against the wall and gazed out the window. 

“You know my brother and I had a plan for everything,” she said. “Except this. We never thought we’d fail, we were just so damn good at what we did. Oh well, that’s a lesson learned, always have a contingency.”

The sound of footsteps interrupted her, and soon a reaper’s shadow was visible on the wall in the flickering torchlight. Lydia drew closer to the bars with interest, and saw the reaper was escorting a new prisoner. It was a nondescript spirit, just an ordinary looking young human man, and Lydia was disappointed at the prospects for gawking. 

It wasn’t until her nextdoor cellmate reached through the bars and grabbed the escorting reaper that Lydia realized things were about to get interesting. 

“Back up!” The reaper ordered, scythe ready to cut a devastating anti-spirit blow.

“You couldn’t have died any sooner?” the prisoner said to the young man, who frowned a little before lowering his head. 

Lydia watched with interest as the tame looking spirit before her erupted with red crackling energy, growing in size and instability. The reaper swore, pulling away and grabbing his stone of farspeech.

“Unstable lich, third floor!” he cried into it, just before the hallway exploded in a burst of red light. 

When the light faded, Lydia realized there’d been an explosion, one that had destroyed over half of the 324 bricks she’d counted. 

And also the bars of her cell.

Lydia took two sweet steps of freedom out into the hallway, and peered about. The spirit from the cell next door was also stepping out into freedom, and as he did so he waved his hand over the air where the lich had once been. The young man reformed, taking a shuddering breath as though he’d forgotten he didn’t currently have lungs.

“How did you do that?” Lydia asked with interest. “He was unstable, he was ripped apart atom by atom into… nothing.”

“There’s never nothing,” the freed prisoner said. “There’s always just enough to bring someone back. Help me get out of here, and I’ll show you how.”

Lydia thought of her brother, and a fanged grin spread across her face. “Alright, buddy, I’m in.”

“It’s Kalen,” the prisoner said, matching her grin. “Governor Kalen.”

“Yeah, that seems like it’s supposed to mean something to me, but it really doesn’t,” Lydia said. “Let’s just blow this popsicle stand, yeah?”

Lydia stooped and grabbed the scythe laying on the ground by its unconscious wielder. 

“That won’t work,” Kalen said, fixing incorporeal cufflinks. “You’re not its master.”

“Oh, it’ll do what I tell it to,” Lydia said, red and black crackling energy flowing down her arms to the scythe and her eyes going black. She lifted the scythe and carved a tear into the dimensional veil, a doorway to the material plane. She bowed dramatically, gesturing at the open portal. 

“Impressive,” Kalen admitted. “You know, I could use someone with your talent, you should come with me.”

“Thanks, but I’m a solo act,” Lydia said. “Or rather, I will be until you show me that trick. Then I have my own plans.”

“Alright, well, better not stick around here any longer then,” Kalen said.

The two liches and the ghost of Kalen stepped through the portal, and felt the sunlight shining through them.

  
  
  


“What do you mean you can’t do dinner?”

Taako had his stone of farspeech sitting on the counter, his hands were busy preparing a meal that would make the gods of cooking cry. A meal he was now going to have to t’per weir up and cast a spell of freshness on. 

“I’m sorry, it’s a mess down here,” Kravitz said. “This is the first breakout in six thousand years! Well… not counting…”

“Our first date?” Taako smirked.

“I consider wine and pottery our first date but believe what you like,” Kravitz replied. “I’ll try to get home as soon as I can but they need us down here.”

“Ugh, fine,” Taako waved a hand over the knife he’d been cutting vegetables with, and it continued to cut even as he pulled away. “I’m just gonna give your portion to the cats.”

“Taako, we have the only known gourmand cats in the world, you’re spoiling them,” Kravitz said with a laugh. 

“I’d be spoiling you if not for your job, reaper man,” Taako replied. “Tell Lup and Barry I said hey, and make sure they’re still on for drinks on Friday.”

“I thought you were going to Merle’s on Friday,” Kravtiz said.

“Yeah, he thinks that too.” Taako stuck out his tongue. “He’s fishing for free babysitting so he can go fishing with Magnus and Dav, the three of them really think they can stick me with the kids and go running off into the wilderness.”

“They should know better than to try and pull one over on you,” Kravitz chuckled fondly. “I gotta go. I’ll call you later and let you know when I’ll be home?”

“You better,” Taako said. 

“I love you,” Kravitz said, and Taako could hear the sappy smile on his face. 

“Oh, shut up,” Taako beamed despite himself. “You can’t bribe me into forgetting this.”

“But I’m so good at bribing.” Kravitz grinned. 

“Goodbye, bones!” Taako said, hanging up quickly. He hid his smile behind his hand, and turned back to his work.

It was when he turned around he realized he wasn’t alone.

Lydia aimed an eldritch blast at Taako, and he managed to dodge out of the way at the last second. Before he even had time to register who he was seeing and what was happening he’d commanded the knife he had automatically chopping veggies to fly at his attacker. Unfortunately, the knife went straight through the lich.

Taako went for the wand tucked into his hair, undoing his bun in the process. Before he could fire off a spell Lydia hit him again, harder.

Taako was blasted backwards, where his head collided painfully with the wall and everything went black. Lydia loomed over him, grinning brightly.

“One body down, one to go,” she said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't watched bleach in a decade and yet I shamelessly steal an idea from it

Angus McDonald was very excited to be joining Magnus, Merle, Taako, and Davenport on their fishing trip. Fishing wasn’t particularly his favorite thing to do, but he was excited to study the local aquatic life and try to identify each one. Also he liked hanging out with Mavis.

Unfortunately, their trip was currently delayed. Taako hadn’t shown up yet, and while it was like him to be fashionably late, he was starting to tread into the “annoyingly late” category. 

Angus was sitting in an armchair in Merle’s living room, chin in his hand and legs kicking back and forth as he waited. Magnus seemed content enough to wait, sitting across from him and whittling a wooden voidfish. 

“Well, Davenport just called out, said there was some weird thing the B.O.B's been dealing with and he volunteered to help out," Merle said, walking back into the room

"What weird thing?" Magnus asked.

“You know, I forgot to ask,” Merle admitted with a chuckle.

“Really hope it wasn’t important then,” Magnus said with a roll of his eyes.

“If it was really important, she might have asked us all for help,” Angus pointed out. “I wouldn’t worry too much, sirs.”

“Okay, kid, no one likes a know it all,” Merle said. “No word from Taako?”

“Not yet,” Magnus said. “He probably decided not to come and didn’t tell us.”

Before anyone could comment on the likeliness of Taako ditching them, the telltale rip of a reaper’s scythe cut through the air, and Barry Bluejeans stepped into the room.

“Way to knock, bud,” Merle said.

“It’s kind of an emergency, Merle,” Barry said, sounding a little stressed. “I think you’ll forgive me for not using the door.”

“What’s up?” Magnus asked, setting aside his carving. Angus also sat forward with interest. 

“There was a jailbreak at the Eternal Stockade,” Barry said. “And two of the souls that escaped might have a uh… personal interest in finding you guys.”

“Is it someone we killed?” Magnus asked.

“Sort of, it’s-”

“Is it the guy from the race?” Merle asked.

“No,it’s-”

“Is it Jenkins?” Magnus asked.

“You guys really have a listening problem, you know that?” Barry sighed. “One of the souls was the lich Lydia. You might remember her from Wonderland.”

“Oh man, she lived?” Magnus asked, standing up as if there would soon be a battle he had to be ready for.

“In a sense,” Barry said. “Kravitz and Lup are off warning Taako, we’re gonna get you guys somewhere safe until we know what’s going on.”

“Sir.” Angus approached Barry’s spectral form. “Who’s the other soul? You said two souls.”

Barry cast a glance over at Magnus, and looked nervous. “It was a man… named Kalen.”

Merle stiffened and swore.

“Who?” Magnus asked.

“The Mad Governor of Raven’s Roost?” Angus asked.

“What?” Magnus laughed nervously. “Since when did Raven’s Roost have a mad governor? What was he so angry about?”

“Sir, didn’t you live there?” Angus asked. “You don’t remember?”

“I-” Magnus looked a little lost, and Merle put a hand on Angus’s shoulder.

“The guy’s a real nobody, Maggie,” Merle said. “I cheated him in a game of cards five years ago and he’s never let it go, that’s all.”

Angus looked confused, but he sensed Merle wanted him to stay quiet so he did.

“Anyway, we should meet up with the others at-” Barry was cut off as another scythe tore through the fabric of the material plane, and Lup and Kravitz stepped out. Lup looked as furious as Kravitz looked concerned.

“Guys?” Barry asked, approaching Lup. “Where’s Taako?”

“Ain’t that just the question of the hour?” Lup asked, throwing her hands up and laughing bitterly. “I think we were… a tad too late, babe! Taako’s left the building, he’s gone, M.I.A, vanished!”

“There were traces of lich energy, and not from either of you,” Kravitz said, clutching his scythe tightly. “We think… he’s with Lydia.”

Barry could sense that that was the only option his two fellow reapers were willing to consider at this time: that Taako had been momentarily kidnapped and would soon be safely recovered. He wished he could take Lup’s hand, but they’d left their bodies at home for work.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Magnus asked. “Let’s go find him!”

“No, we need you two here,” Kravitz said. “You’re still in danger, and besides you’d honestly serve us better as bait.”

“Guess we’re still fishing after all,” Merle remarked darkly.

“Sir, maybe I could help?” Angus offered, and Kravitz turned and stooped slightly to meet Angus’s eyes. “I am a detective,I could help track Taako down.”

“I’ll certainly consider it,” Kravitz said with a smile. “But right now things are too dangerous for anyone but a reaper to engage with this particular mystery.”

“I’ve been in danger before,” Angus said. “I want to help too.”

Kravtiz’s smile faded a bit, and he put a hand on Angus’s shoulder. “I would… personally prefer it, if you stayed safe, Angus.”

Angus had become sort of a communal ward for the members of the IPRE and BOB, and he spent most of his time with either Magnus or Taako and Kravitz, whenever he wasn’t at school. Kravitz was rather fond of Angus, and the thought of losing him and Taako in one day prevented him from accepting an otherwise useful offer of help.

Angus nodded with a frown. He was used to this sort of refusal, it came with his age. He’d never let it stop him before, though.

“Alright, I’m gonna go pick up my body and come right back here,” Barry said. “Frankly, I wanna be able to stress eat while I’m guarding you guys.”

“You’re extremely valid, Barry,” Kravitz said with an approving nod. “Lup and I are going to see if we can track down Taako and Lydia. Please, just stay here for now, we’ll have this wrapped up soon.”

“Stay here, kick back, roger,” Merle said with a thumbs up.

“C’mon, we’re really staying put?” Magnus asked.

“Oh, Magnus,” Merle chuckled, patting Magnus on the hip because it was as high as he could reach. “You’d only get in their way.”

“Yes, very pragmatic, Merle,” Kravitz said with a forced smile.

Angus looked over at Lup, who was brooding. Her lich form had sparse amounts of red and black energy crackling around the edges. Angus suspected she’d become slightly unstable upon finding out her twin brother had gone missing, and he was right. Kravitz had had to calm her down before she lost her form. What Angus didn’t suspect, and didn’t know, was that Lup had another strong emotion keeping her together now. She was holding herself together with the feeling of anger she had at someone messing with one of her loved ones.

Barry found his and Lup’s body roughly where they’d left them. He said roughly, because they’d gotten up and moved around a bit in his absence.

“Hey Barry,” his body said, waving at him cheerfully. “Home early?”

“Hey Rook,” Barry greeted the soul that was currently piloting his meatsuit. “You can clock out early for the day.”

“What about me?” asked the soul in Lup’s body. 

“Sorry, G’on,” Barry said, watching as Rook sat Barry’s body down on the couch and floated out of it. “Lup’s still spectral for now. We’ve got a bit of a special bounty today.”

“Anything we should be worried about?” Rook asked.

Barry opened a portal back to the astral plane for his body babysitter. “Nah, I think the wife’s gonna kick this problem in its ass.”

Rook and G’on shared a laugh at that, before Rook waved again and disappeared through the portal.

Barry phased back into his body with a shudder. It always felt like pulling on a pair of wet jeans. He took a moment to readjust to his body, before he opened a portal back to Merle’s house.

“Help yourself to the leftovers in the fridge,” he told G’on. “But not the beer, no more returning bodies drunk or I swear to god we’ll replace you with another volunteer.”

“You’re no fun, boss,” G’on sighed. They’d never risk it though, getting to watch a quasi-mortal reaper’s body was one of the best gigs a deceased could have. Nothing beat feeling the sun on your skin again, or being able to eat Cheetos again.

Barry made an “I’m watching you” gesture at the soul in his wife’s body, before stepping back through the portal.


	3. Chapter 3

  
  
  


When Taako woke, he was sitting in a dark room.

His body was frozen by some paralyzation spell, so he couldn’t turn his head to see whoever it was making the hair stand up on the back of his neck. He didn’t need to see though, because once he heard a snap he knew exactly who had him.

The room lit up with colored spotlights, and jaunty music began to play. Taako’s eyes were drawn to the skull one green light formed on the opposite wall. 

“Bad luck,” he sighed to himself. 

“That’s right, baby!” Lydia said, walking into view, her incorporeal feet giving the illusion of making contact with the ground. “Live from the ruins of my childhood home, it’s Lydia! This episode was filmed in front of a dead studio audience.”

Taako heard a chorus of the damned cheering mournfully. 

“Man, I really hate this show,” Taako said. “It really jumped the shark after season two.”

“It’s that attitude that made me think of you when I went looking for a body!” Lydia said with a fanged grin that soon turned to a furious glare. “That, and how you killed my brother so hard even death couldn’t come for him.”

“Yeah, okay.” Taako rolled his eyes. “You made me play a gameshow of death and broke two of my ribs, what was I supposed to do? Not kill you? Honestly, you guys got off easy, have you seen what happens to the people that go up against us? Oh, ever heard of Phandolin? No? Exactly.”

“Oh, I’ve heard of Phandolin.” Lydia struck a pose. “I’ve heard about all the places you’ve been and things you’ve done, I heard that song same as anyone else, Taako. I know about your extraplanar adventures, and I know about your twin sister.”

Lydia struck a different pose, and looked balefully down at Taako. “The love between siblings is so unique, isn’t it?” she asked. “You and I would know best… how it feels to live without your sibling.”

Taako felt a wave of unease wash over him. “You said you were looking for a body?”

“That’s right!” Lydia beamed.

“Well, go grow your own,” Taako huffed. “I’m not having you messing up my corporeal form.”

“Oh, I never said the body was for me, darling,” Lydia purred.

Taako felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle again, as a cold wind blew past him and another lich joined Lydia in front of him.

“Surprise!” Edward said. “Bonus round!”

Then he flew into Taako’s body.

Taako’s mind became a battleground as Edward tried to possess him. In the span of a few seconds the two souls battled for dominance, and Taako’s physical body slumped. Lydia lingered nearby, watching with interest. 

Taako’s head lifted, and he smiled triumphantly.

“Prepare for trouble,” Edward said with Taako’s mouth.

  
  


Kravitz lifted a hand just in time for a raven to land on it. 

He gave the bird an affectionate scratch by its head, and the bird closed its eyes happily before cawing.

“He says there’s a massive amount of suffering just North of here,” Kravitz said. “I think we’ve found her.”

“Well, she better get used to suffering,” Lup said. “Come on.”

Kravitz let the raven take flight again, and the two reapers descended the craggy hill where they’d been awaiting their scout ravens. 

In the gray of the approaching storm, Kravitz and his black cloak blended easily into his surroundings. In contrast, Lup was clothed in bright red and stood out like a bloodstain on snow. Kravitz had once felt uneasy working so closely with a lich, but after years of service alongside Taako’s sister he now felt safest by her side. Her particular undead energy, which had once activated his fight or flight whenever she approached, now felt familiar.

It also felt like love.

Kravitz could feel the love Taako had helped to forge within her spectral form, binding her to her personality and mind. Whenever he was with Lup he could feel the bond she shared with her brother, with the man Kravitz loved most in the world.

“We’ll find him,” he assured her.

“I know, bone daddy,” Lup said, her usual humorous tone present in her words. Maybe if Kravitz hadn’t spent two years getting to know her, he might have believed that tone.

“And you’ll get to kick Lydia’s ass back to the astral plane,” he added, and now Lup’s laugh was genuine. 

“Thanks, Krav,” she said with a sad smile. “I know this sucks for you too.”

“I’m not too worried about him,” Kravitz said. “Taako and his friends get into and out of more trouble than most living souls ever have a chance to. Honestly, I pity Lydia.”

Kravitz wasn’t the only one who’d spent two years getting to know his coworkers. Lup knew how to call this particular poker player’s bluffs by now.

“Yeah, he’ll be alright,” she agreed in order to reassure the reaper with the shaking hands. “So, remind me why we’re walking?”

Kravitz started, and looked sheepish. “Sorry, I guess I’m not thinking too clearly right now.”

He lifted his scythe and cut a tear through to the place the raven had mentioned.

  
  
  


“... oh! Too slow! Try again.”

Barry frowned, and placed his hands back under Magnus’s. After a moment he brought his hands up trying to slap the top of Magnus’s, but Magnus pulled away.

“Too slow!” Magnus said again.

“Okay, you know what, let’s swap,” Barry said testily. Magnus grinned and placed his hands under Barry’s. After a moment he slapped the top of Barry’s hands so hard that Barry swore.

Angus watched the game with mild interest.

“Alright, the ex just picked up the kids,” Merle said as he entered the room. “Now there’s no kids around for these liches to hurt.”

“Sir?” Angus pointed hesitantly to himself.

“Oh, right,” Merle said. “Well, no important kids!”

“Another good rib, Merle,” Angus sighed.

“Too slow!”

“Come on, Magnus!”

Angus looked over at Magnus before turning back to Merle. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, kiddo,” Merle said.

“Why doesn’t Magnus know who Governor Kalen is?” Angus asked.

Merle stroked his beard, looking a bit sad. He shook his head. “Funnily enough, it has to do with Lydia and the other lich from Wonderland. Come with me, let’s make some tea.”

Angus understood discretion. He nodded and followed Merle to the kitchen, passing a frustrated Barry and triumphant Magnus.

Merle put on the kettle to boil, and started perusing a selection of all natural teas. Angus watched him, and waited for him to speak again.

“See…” Merle began. “We all had to sacrifice things in Wonderland.” he tapped the lense over his eyepatch, leaving a fingerprint on the glass. “Magnus had to give up a lot. One of those things he gave up was his memories of who was responsible for the destruction of his home, and the death of his wife.”

Merle selected a tea, and started finding mugs for everyone. 

“He gave up his chance for revenge,” Merle said. “And Taako and I swore we’d get that revenge for him.”

“But… if he was in the Eternal Stockade, then wasn’t he already dead?” Angus asked.

Merle turned back to Angus with a serious look.

“Kid, who do you think sent him there?” he said.

Merle remembered that night, the rain that came down in cold sheets like it knew the occasion demanded the proper dramatic weather. They’d heard rumors of the old governor hiding out in a small village just south of the Miller institute. They’d made a stop so Taako could tp the place.

They found him in an inn, a pathetic old man with his conquering days behind him. There was no way he could ever hurt anyone else again.

But Taako and Merle weren’t about to take any chances, nor were they about to overlook the hurt that had already been done.

Finding out he was a necromancer was just the cherry on the sundae, and Taako made a call to his boyfriend while Kalen’s soul lingered just out of his body.

“So Magnus got his revenge after all?” Angus asked.

“Magnus didn’t need revenge, he didn’t remember, he was free,” Merle said. “He got to move on, and Julia got justice. We thought he’d rot away in the Eternal Stockade forever, but now it looks like we gotta re-revenge.”

Merle finished making up the tea, and handed a mug to Angus, who watched the steam rise from it.

“I thought we were just going to wait here,” Angus said.

“Sure, for awhile,” Merle said. “But if Kalen doesn’t show, then I’m gonna have to go after him. I did promise.”

The pair carried the tea out to the living room, leaving two mugs by where Magnus and Barry were still playing their game. Angus sat back down in the armchair, and cast his gaze out the window. He could see Magnus’s reflection in the glass, smiling and laughing as he drove Barry crazy.

He hoped Lup and Kravitz came back soon.


	4. Chapter 4

Kalen regarded the ruins of Raven’s Roost with pride.

It was a toppled city, literally, and a ghost town. One district destroyed by his attack on the support column, and the rest abandoned once fear of his attack spread. 

He was proud of his actions, but he regretted them.

He regretted his actions because he preferred to govern over a whole town, rather than a pile of rubble and a hundred empty houses. Well, no matter, this town would be bustling again soon enough.

“Do you need any help with the ritual?” his loyal right hand, Logain, the lich that had freed him, asked.

“With the ritual?” Kalen shook his head. “No. With the grave digging, yes.”

Restoring a willing soul was easy, just a matter of commanding them to reform. Summoning an unwilling soul long dead was different. He’d need a bone from each one of his once subjects, and a lot of candles.

“Guess I’ll get started.” Logain grimaced. Luckily enough, all those who’d died in the craftsmen district were buried nearby.

“Wait.”

Logain looked back over to Kalen, who in turn was looking at a new tear in the fabric of the plane. 

Lydia stepped through, holding her stolen scythe and grinning. “Hey, so, new plan. I think we can scratch each others backs here. You said earlier something about a village of the undead?”

Kalen grinned right back, a wicked grin that had once filled Magnus Burnsides and the other members of the rebellion with rage.

“And how might this benefit you?” he asked. “I thought all you wanted was your brother back.”

“Well, now that I’ve got him back we need some power,” Lydia said. “Our old place of business closed up, we need a new well of suffering.”

“You want to use the citizens of Raven’s Roost as a suffering water wheel?” Kalen asked carefully.

“I bring you your citizens, you bring me their misery,” Lydia offered. “Sound equitable?”

Kalen studied the lich carefully. He wasn’t in the business of trusting people, but with her stolen scythe remaking his town would be simple. Besides, it wasn’t like the place wouldn’t be ripe with misery.

“Alright,” he said. “Let’s see how this works out for the both of us. I reserve the right to scatter your soul if I see something I don’t like.”

“You can certainly try.” Lydia smiled coldly. “Well then, let’s rebuild the population.”

  
  
  
  


Lup approached the rundown house, examining the crumbling walls and shattered windows covered with dust and ivy. She could feel the misery, and the unmistakable crackle of lich energy.

“I think this is it,” she said, and Kravitz nodded. He gestured towards the door, his skin melting away to reveal a ghastly skeleton. Lup conjured a flame in one hand, and then opened the door.

The first thing they noticed was the ring of souls in the main room. A group of lost souls bound by a summoning circle and shimmering in the air like mournful shadows. Lup stepped forward and scuffed out part of the circle with a grimace, and the souls gratefully returned to the astral plane.

“Such sloppy work,” she said. “Like someone was in a hurry.”

“Lup.”

Lup turned at Kravitz’s voice, and saw him kneeling on the floor. He had an earring in his hand, and he looked as concerned as a skeleton could. “I bought him these.”

Lup’s blood would have run cold if she currently had any.

“Let’s spread out and look for him,” she said.

Kravitz went into one room, and Lup into another, both wielding their scythes in preparation for a fight they sensed coming. As they did, a shadow followed behind Lup. 

To understand the being following behind her, one would need to have witnessed the battle of wills that had commenced when the lich Edward tried to possess Taako.

_ Lydia watched with interest as Taako’s eyes rolled back in his head, and he jerked slightly. Without the aid of the Animus Bell they couldn’t simply rip out Taako’s soul, vacating the premises as it were, Edward would have to make himself the dominant personality housed in the shared body. _

_ Edward stepped lightly down onto the expanse of Taako’s mind, eyeing the opponent before him like he was a particularly interesting plaything. _

_ “Hey, I wasn’t really expecting guests,” Taako said dryly, arms folded over his chest. “The place is a real mess, mind coming back later?” _

_ “Well, it’s at least a tad more… magical than your burly friend’s bod, though I will miss all those muscles,” Edward said. “I was a bear! Can you imagine?” _

_ “Magnus would be so thrilled to hear you call him a bear but not for the reason you’d think,” Taako sighed, picturing Magnus in his Bear Face helm looking smugly triumphant. “Anyway, did you hear the part where I told you to  _ get out _ ?” _

_ “No can do,” Edward said. “I need this bod to help my sis get up to our old mischief, not to mention I enjoy things like eating and breathing. Such novel concepts, so cute.” _

_ “Alright, I’m done with this.” Taako threw out his hands, blasting Edward with a concentrated force of raw magic and willpower. The lich was a bit buffeted, sliding backwards with his arms thrown up to protect himself.  _

_ Then he fired back.. _

_ Taako was a very powerful wizard, who’d been learning and honing his craft for over a century. _

_ Edward was a very powerful lich, who’d been learning and honing his craft for  _ centuries _ .  _

_ Even without the power of Wonderland or the bell, Edward had the power to hit Taako with such a strong wave of force that he found himself toppled over and aching in every part of his non-corporeal self.  _

_ “No hard feelings.” Edward said, snapping and summoning chains that surged up from the ground and wrapped themselves around Taako before dragging him to his knees and tethering him to the floor. “Really, we were interested in looking over your resume, but your body was just more useful.” _

_ Taako grimaced, as the chains dragged him further down. He felt himself pull slightly below the surface.  _

_ “I’m so gonna waste your ass when I get out of here,” he threatened, sinking up to his chest.  _

_ “I’ll look forward to seeing you try,” Edward said, and then Taako sank completely and vanished from view. Edward stretched in the new space, and opened Taako’s eyes. _

And so now Edward in Taako’s body was stalking carefully behind Lup, intrigued by another lich of considerable power. Lydia had said that the reapers might find him while he was recharging himself on the misery snack they’d summoned up for him, and he felt just strong enough to run them off. 

His hand crackled with energy, focused down to his finger as he reached out to touch the lich’s shoulder and channel his spell. 

Then Lup turned around, and gasped.

“Oh my god Taako, don’t scare me like that!” she admonished him, and Edward quickly dispelled his finger of death. 

“Sorry,” he ventured, working Taako’s face into a sheepish smile. 

It is worth noting that Edward was not around when the voidfish sang its song, and so had no idea who Lup was. 

“Sorry?” Lup chuckled. “Since when do you apologize right off the bat? Kravitz is a good influence on you.”

“Oh, absolutely he is, that’s the reason, yep,” Edward said with a dismissive hand wave. “So uh… what are you doing here?”

“What am I do… Taako, we’re here to rescue you,” Lup said, sensing suddenly that something was very wrong. She cast detect thoughts, narrowing her eyes slightly and stepping into her brother’s mind.

She winced as her intrusion was met with a strong malevolent energy, and the thoughts of a person that certainly wasn’t her brother. 

“Aha,” she said, just as Edward jumped backwards and threw out a hand. Most everyone has some skeletons in their closet, but Edward and Lydia had skeletons under the floorboards.

The floor cracked and splintered as three skeletons warriors worked their way up to the surface, brandishing rusted weapons. Lup aimed a fireball at one and blasted it to bone meal while the other two rushed her.

Lup opened her mouth and shouted out a sound like a raven cawing, the call from one of the Raven Queen’s subjects to another. Kravitz would have been able to hear it miles away, he certainly heard it from down the hall. 

“Lup!” he shouted, running towards the sound. When he entered the room, Edward turned to face him. Kravitz froze, seeing who he thought was Taako, his heart for a minute soaring.

“He’s possessed!” Lup shouted out a warning, just in time for Edward to cast a magic missile in Kravitz’s direction. Disadvantaged by the fact that he’d thought it was Taako standing before him, Kravitz failed to dodge in time and was thrown back by scorching magic. Once the initial pain and shock of seeing his boyfriend try to kill him wore off, he leapt back up to his feet. Edward was readying another spell, so Kravitz swirled his feathered cloak around himself and turned into a cloud of ravens that cawed angrily and swarmed Edward momentarily before forming back into Kravitz behind his back. 

“Get out of my boyfriend,” he snarled, casting hold person. 

Edward grinned as the spell momentarily paralyzed him, before shaking it off. “Wait, wait… Taako’s dating the  _ grim reaper? _ ”

“You know it’s really not that big a deal,” Lup said, “like, no need to shout, right?”

“And who are you, I wonder?” Edward asked. “Another one of his friends from the Bureau of Balance?”

“Can’t you see the family resemblance?” Lup joked, gesturing to her spectral face.

“No, but I admit you look familiar,” Edward said. “Have we met?”

“Lydia, right?” Lup guessed. “Occasionally. Through prison bars.”

“Edward, actually,” he said, putting his hands on his hips and commanding the skeletons to attack again. 

“Oh, then I definitely remember you,” Lup said with a wicked grin. “Maybe this will jog your memory?” she blasted the two skeletons with another fireball, and when the smoke cleared Edward could see her stepping through the flames looking like a wrathful elemental. She opened her hands, still coated in flames. “I’m gonna fucking kill you now.”

Edward’s eyes widened in fear.

“You,” he whispered, before taking a step backwards, opening a dimension door and vanishing through it.

“Damn it!” Lup swore, chasing after him just in time for the door to vanish along with him. She growled and a wave of pure magic crackled off of her shattering all the windows in the house. Kravitz winced.

“Lup, hold yourself together,” he said. “If you lose yourself, I have to take you down and then you can’t save him.”

Lup nodded and steadied herself, her form growing more defined. 

“Now we’ll find him,” Kravitz said. “But right now it’s important we get you back to your body.”

“What? Why? It’d just slow me down,” Lup said. 

“Because Lydia and Edward are elven siblings, and they’ve already taken your brother,” Kravitz said. “Don’t you think Lydia might be looking for a body of her own? The matching set?”

“... shit,” Lup spat. “You’re right. Look, just… call Barry and tell him to get my bodysitter over to the others, safety in numbers, I have to go after Taako he’s more important.”

“You understand what you’re risking here?” Kravitz asked. “The Raven Queen allowed you the exception of growing a body that once but who knows if she’ll allow it again, if Lydia takes your body she could destroy it in a fit of spite and then you’re like this forever, you could never eat or feel the sun on your skin or kiss Barry ever again.”

“And you might never kiss Taako again,” Lup pointed out.

“You think I don’t know that?” Kravitz asked woefully. He took a few steps away, looking as though he was holding himself together very poorly. Then he turned back to Lup with a slow sad smile. “But… if I let something happen to his sister he’d kill me again.”

Lup laughed quietly, shaking her head. “He wouldn’t have the guts. Besides, the RQ loves me, I saved the planes! I’m sure she’d grant me one more necromantic act of reaper corruption.” she said that but she was unsure, the Raven Queen had to be fair to all her subjects and what she defined as fair might have once extended to granting Lup a body but who knows if she still had another chance left.

Still, it didn’t matter. Taako needed her.

“Just call Barry, and try to keep up,” Lup said, heading for the exit. “And while you’re at it ask him to cast a scrying spell to find all these necrocriminals.”

“We probably should have done that before, huh?” Kravitz groaned, pressing a hand to his forehead.

“Well, you know…” Lup said with a shrug. “Spell slots.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god this all woulda looked so cool as a movie


End file.
